Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
