In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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