I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
