she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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