this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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