I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
