yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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