wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
