You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
