Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
