for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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