someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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