Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
