I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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