At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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