im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
