when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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