We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
