Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
