i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
