My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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