Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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