I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
