i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
