She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
