dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
