She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
