my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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