No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are the jesus of drinking
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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