Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
