We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
