Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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