Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
