Screwed.edu
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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