in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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