Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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