did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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