Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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