im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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