you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
