Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
