New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
