how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
