"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
