Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
