Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
