Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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