boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
