He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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