guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
